What will I do without you? (A Green Day Fan Fiction)
by 1CrazyFANGIRL1
Summary: Billie Joe did it again... His drug addiction replayed, but now he has decided to cure himself in rehab. But what about his love? Decision of her beloved husband froze her. She is close to the nervous breakdown and one of the questions that crossed her mind was: ,,What will I do without you?" ...
1. Chapter 1

,You´re still angry with me, right?! And you know what? I don´t wonder... I understand you... but... I just wanna tell you that I really regret it and I´m sorry... I still love you so much and I hope you will be able to forgive me some day... Now... I´ve decided to go... I´m going to cure myself... because of you, because of me, because of Joey and Jacob... Ohhh... Goodbye..."

Billie Joe suddenly said to me and I was extremely shocked. I was sitting on the sofa pretending an ignorance but his words froze me... I felt little confused... What has he said just few seconds ago?!... I turned around and my eyes directed into Billie´s...

,,Um... what do you mean?" I asked with shaken voice. ,,What do you mean you´re going to cure yourself...?"

,,I realized, I hurt you all much... I want to fix it... I want to be ´clean´... and it will happen only when I cure myself from that sh*t..." Billie answered me...

You know... few days ago... I found out that Billie Joe took drugs again... I came home from shopping mall and after entering the bedroom, I saw Billie lying near the bed. The empty bottles were lying on the ground near him and there were any other strange and suspicious things, too (like pills or what)...

Billie seemed to be in unconsciousness... He didn´t sense anything. I tried to wake him up somehow but it was useless. My eyes got filled with tears and I just ran away... I felt disappointment inside of me... He did it again, though he had promised, it isn´t going to replay...

Anyway, I felt happy that Billie was about to defeat his drug addiction but on the other hand, I was scared of his leave. I wasn´t prepared for being alone... and after he said, he wants to cure himself in rehab, honestly it took my breath away... I jumped up from the sofa and I went to embrace him. I held him on tight too much and I whispered:

,,Billie... ohhh... don´t leave me..."

,,Love... calm down... we both know it´s the only and last chance for me... "

,,I know... but... but... " I sighed and I wasn´t able to finish the sentence. Few tears left my face and I buried my face into Billie´s chest. He stroked my back softly and he tried to calm me down:

,,It will be fine, honey... shhh... hold it on..."

,,I will miss you, Billie... " I told him and he looked at me hurtfully.

,,Don´t cry... don´t be sad... you need to be strong... because of me, because of Joey and Jakey... hold it on..."

,,What if I won´t be able to hold it on? What if I fall down?... What if..."

,,Oh, honey... don´t panic... you´ll be fine... and I will return home sooner than you think... " Billie said stroking my cheek. Then his lips touched mine for few seconds and when he pulled away, I looked into his beautiful green eyes painfully. I looked down but he put my head up. ,,Don´t give up... I know you enough and the truth is you´re gonna get over your loneliness easy..."

Then Billie removed my hand from his chest and he walked to the door. I couldn´t let him go, even so and I took him by the hand.

,,Billie..." I sighed and he turned around. I gave him one more hug and I said: ,,I can´t let you go just like that... What will I do without you?"

,,Why are you doing that?! If you didn´t face so distress, my leave would be easier... I don´t wanna walk away knowing you´re on the edge of nervous breakdown... I said everything would be fine... so I would appreciate if you trusted me... "

,,I trust you... but..."

,,No ´but´... trust me... trust me more... " Billie told me, kissed me and then he continued: ,,Okay... now I´m really leaving... take care of yourself honey... I love you..." After that he pulled away and he was suddenly gone... The door got closed and I couldn´t believe, I was all alone... I leaned against the door and I slowly fell down. I hid my face into my palms and I cried hardly... and who cares? No one... because no one was at home... except me...

Just me and deadly silence...


	2. Visit

ON THE NEXT DAY

Honestly, my waking up wasn´t very easy. After opening my eyes, I realized there was nobody lying in the bed right next to me. There was nobody who I could embrace and say: ,,Good morning, love." I was like: OMG, the nightmare has just begun. Billie Joe´s in rehab and my loneliness is about to kill me...

I slowly rolled out of my bed and I went to the kitchen to have breakfast. Firstly, I wasn´t hungry at all but then I decided to drink some milk at least. My mind was full of thoughts and many of them were about Billie Joe...

Then I forced myself to understand the facts:

Billie´s addiction hasn´t been right. The treatment in rehab´s been necessary and the only way to be ´clean´. Billie´s needed to be cured. Maybe his own decision has just saved his life... and it´s alright this way...

Yes, right! Billie´s decision was right! Billie knows what he´s doing and I should give him support and not regret myself instead...

2 WEEKS LATER

It´s 2 weeks of Billie´s being in rehab. How is he? Is he fine? Do I miss him? And what about his addiction? Has it got better?... I can´t get those questions out of my mind. I need to know the answers... I need to visit him...

When I came to the hospital, I asked receptionist about Billie. She told me something but I didn´t know where I could find him, even so. After few minutes of ramble in hospital hallways, I met some doctor. I asked him about Billie Joe, too and fortunately, he was able to help me. He took me to the park and over there, I saw Billie sitting on the bench. I thanked doctor and after his gone, I ran to Billie...

I sat down right next to him. Billie looked at me and in real, he got surprised a bit. Of course, he smiled when he saw me but after honest smile, he faced a bit sadly, too.

,,Hello, Billie!" I said and I was so much happy for seeing Billie.

,,Hi!" He answered and he still faced little confused. ,,Um.. what are you doing here?" he continued.

,,Oh, Billie... I know you told me I should settle in fact, you´re now here but I can´t hold it on anymore... I´m so lonely, so weak, unhappy and there´s no more left power inside of me... ohhhh, Billie..." I sighed hurtfully a bit and I embraced him too tight. Billie was little shocked at first but then he stroked my back softly and he said:

,,Well... I´m sorry, I´m telling this but... you really look... unwell... "

,,Um... thank you..." I replied.

,,I just... what´s wrong with you? You look so tired... I hope you haven´t got a lack of sleep..."

,,In real... Oh, Billie.. I can´t sleep... I can´t eat... "

,,What? I hope you don´t mean it... oh god ... why?"

,,I can´t eat ´cause I feel distress... there´s an anxiety inside... "

,,? Why? Because of me?"

,,I´m sorry but I really can´t live without you..."

,,Oh honey... why you take it so serious? I´m just in hospital... you can come whenever you want to visit me... you know well..."

,,Really? But you said I shouldn´t visit you... you know... when you were about to leave standing at the door... that day..."

,,Oh, I said that but I didn´t think you could take it serious... of course, you can come to see me anytime you want... just promise, you will eat, the way you really should... you need to eat... and sleep is important as well..." Billie told me and then I took one look into his eyes. He stopped his speech and both of us were unable to say something... It was our view into our eyes, which said words without speaking them...


	3. My birthday wish

Billie suddenly looked away sighing hardly. Then he looked down and it seemed he was thinking about something. The silence that came really didn´t help me. Even I think it was the reason of my doubts. That unpleasant feeling when I didn´t know what to do or what to think... I just needed to hear his voice... because when Billie loses in his thoughts, it´s not alright. He always comes to such a strange thoughts with several variations...

,,Billie? Is everything okay?" I asked carefully. He looked at me assuring me that everything was really okay and after that he took my hand. He squeezed it and then he leaned to me. His lips touched mine but it didn´t last more than few seconds. His eyes looked into mine extremely sadly but he forced his smile to make me calm, even so...

When I came home, I was thinkning about anything but Billie. I wanted to see him today and I believed that this could cheer me up but after coming home, I felt even worse... His behaviour was little bit strange. Alright, maybe he just suffered because of my confession about what is actually happening to me but I promised him I would be fine and do what I really should do. It means - eat a lot of food and take long sleeps...

TWO WEEKS LATER

Just few days ago, I had my birthday. Do you know what kind of feeling it was? Being all alone on the day of your birthday? I wanted to go outside and celebrate it somehow but thought of Billie Joe didn´t let me go... And then I also realized, that I had no friends... so where should I go then? I stayed at home instead...

I took bottle of wine and I started to drink it. I sat down to the ground bedside. I felt wrong and lonely but after feeling of tiredness, I wanted to stop with drinking. Suddenly someone touched my arm and that someone was... Billie Joe!

,,Hello! Are you celebrating your birthday?" He asked me. I turned around and I couldn´t believe. Even my mascara was bleeding. I screamed out: ,,BILLIE! I ... I ... I can´t believe... Billie Joe!" I told so much happily and I wiped my tears away. Then I got up and I embraced him too tight.

,,Alright! Please... slow down!..." Billie said laughing.

,,I am so happy, you´re here!" I said to him and then I kissed him hardly. I was kissing him passionately. At first, he behaved surprised but few seconds later, her kissed me back too. I touched his cheeks and then I put my hands around him neck. All I wanted to do that time was never pulling away from him :D

Billie was about to say something but I just didn´t let him to do it. He tried few times but then he surrendered...

,,Well, okay love... I really don´t wanna destroy this beautiful moment but I´m going back to the hospital tonight, so we should enjoy time together, shouldn´t we? We should celebrate your birthday. That´s why I actually "escaped" from rehab...

,,No no no! I´m gonna lock all of the doors in this house and I won´t allow you to come back there..."

Billie looked at me and he said: ,,Oh honey, I´d rather stay with you here, believe me but I really can´t... I persuaded one person to allow me visit you... so be happy and enjoy the fact that I came at least ... for this day.." I looked down and Billie said: ,, Don´t be sad..."

,,I am not... don´t worry... well... alright... let´s celebrate this day... firstly what about having lunch?"

,,Great idea!" Billie smiled at me satisfied.

I was happy that Billie came home for celebrating my birthday... I really was... actually it was the only wish I had that day and it´s great it came true... I was sad knowing that Billie had to return to rehab that night but as Billie told me I should enjoy this moment, I really obeyed him... The birthday just began...


	4. Extraordinary girl

When we ate lunch, Billie washed up. I walked to the living room and I sat down to the sofa but it was useless because few minutes later Billie came to me starting:

,,Ehm... I´d like to..." He said showing me his hand because he was about to congratulate me. I stood up from the couch smiling a him. Then he took my hand and continued: ,,All the best, much hapiness, much love and of course much health, too... and I wish you everything that you wish... I love you darling."

After this speech, Billie kissed my cheeks and then my lips, too.

,,Thanks." I answered happily and then he gave me really amazing present. Beautiful necklace with small heart and when I looked at it more clearly, I noticed written words on it: "FOR MY TRUE LOVE"

I smiled satisfied and Billie asked me: ,,Can I put that necklace to your neck?" I nodded and I felt like in a fairytale. ,,I hope you like it..."

,,Like it? Are you kidding?... I love it... I adore it... it´s the most perfect necklace I´ve ever had... I really thank you, love." I replied. Then we kissed again and another Billie´s thought came:

,,We should celebrate your birthday, right? What about making some party?"

,,Oh no no no. I don´t like party... I´ll be happy if we celebrate it on our own. What are you saying?" I asked insecure.

,,Alright. As you wish, honey... so... come with me..." Billie commanded.

,,Where are we going?" I kept on asking questions but this time Billie didn´t answer me... He just took me by the hand. He led me out of the house and then he finally spoke something at least. ,, Don´t worry.. you will like it..."

After few minutes of walking, I realized where Billie had led me. We came to the park and what´s the reason? In this park, we used to date with Billie. We often came here and enjoyed the time with talking and so on.

,,Yes, you´ve been right. I like it here... too much and you perfectly know why..." I told him laughing.

Then we found free bench and we sat down on it. I was still holding Billie´s hand and when we took seat, I put my head to his arm. Firstly, we were quiet but suddenly Billie broke the silence:

,,Boys told me today... I mean Jacob told me today that you´ve been feeling really really really distress... and that you were as unhappy as ... well.. he told he had never seen someone as unhappy as you... I don´t know what to tell... I just.." Billie was saying but he suddenly stopped.

,,Jacob told you? Have you met him today?"

,,Yes... I´ve met him randomly in the street... when I was on way to you..."

,,I see... well... alright but... you needn´t talk about what he said to you about me..."

,,Yeah... maybe, you´re right but I guess... you know.. I take you as an extraordinary girl... I have never known someone like you... of course I mean it in good way... but on the other hand, it makes me scared knowing that it´s me who causes you pain and anxiety... you know when I know I make distress to my wife... I feel absolutely awkward, wrong, stupid... I´ve never wanted to hurt you... I´m really sorry, my love... There are so many things I wanna tell you but we need more time to talk..." Billie told me and he looked at me sadly. I stroked his cheek and his hair and then I took my phone telling him: ,,I wanna tell you something too and this could help to solve your wish..." I said and I got play the new song by Green Day from album !UNO!. The song´s called Stay the Night. And the lyrics of the song´s like this: ...

Stay, just stay the night

Because we're running out of time

So stay the night

I don't wanna say goodbye

Say you'll stay the night

Because we're running out of time

So stay the night

I don't wanna say goodbye

I'm just sick and tired of feeling so alone

Well, I don't understand the point if you have to go home

So won't you stay and count the circles 'round my eyes?

And we can watch the stars until the sun begins to rise...

,,So say, you stay the night Billie! Please... I´d like you to stay at home for tonight, at least... I really wish just this one..." I told begging him and then I embraced his arm. Then I also put my head to his arm and the silence came again. Suddenly few tears left my face and I didn´t hold it on: ,,I´m sorry.. I´m crying again but... if you could know how much I´m enjoying this moment that I´m holding you... that I´m hearing your voice... I´m so much happy you´re here... with me... and the reason of my crying is that I´m enjoying being in park with you... it means so much to me... Billie... my true love, my darling, my husband... I love you so much that I could repeat it on and on... again and again.. ohhh... I love you so so so much..." I finished my speech waiting for Billie´s reaction. He looked at me, wiped my tears away and he kissed me softly. I looked right into his eyes and then I removed myself to his knees. I sat down to his thighs and put my hands around his neck. We were kissing us and then I made up something. I took Billie by the hand and I led us to the playground. Billie sat down to the swing still holding my hand. Then I sat down to him and we began to swing.

After few minutes I repeated my wish: ,,Please, stay the night!" and I got play the song again. I embraced Billie and suddenly I felt his hands stroking my back softly. I embraced him harder and I said: ,,I love that song! And you know what? I got feeling like... that this song was written by you and Green Day right for this moment. I´m really feeling so... It´s randomly but so true..." Then I kissed Billie´s neck and finally Billie opened his mouth:

,,You know... I´ve been thinking about what you´re actually saying... and..."


End file.
